


Raeviss Fever

by DuaeCat



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-09 00:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3229058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuaeCat/pseuds/DuaeCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a relief mission runs into some unexpected complications, the crew of the Ghost ends up having to take care of their own. (Slash in later chapters)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

One of the things one adjusted to being a crewmember on the Ghost, you couldn’t take things too seriously all the time. It was something Ezra had been quietly thrilled to find kindred spirits in. You got focused when you needed to, but if you let everything weigh on you all of the time you burnt out. He’d seen it happen before, people who had been hurt just a little too badly by the Empire and either gave up or just stopped being careful.   
  
Because of this, the unusual pre-mission quiet was almost spooky. No good natured teasing or threats, no discussion of the plans, even Chopper was unusually subdued as he checked over the crates stacked securely, ready to be loaded up onto the hovercarts and delivered. They were ready in case of Imperial presence, but not expecting it. That was the entire problem. The Empire was willing to devote time and resources, to a degree, to its populations, as long as they were useful. The minute someone in charge decided you weren’t worth the effort of supplying it was if you stopped existing. At least until you tried to complain about it, then it was cruel irony that the Empire would spend far more effort crushing the dissidents than in preventing the intolerable conditions in the first place.  
  
Rae had been an aquaculture supplier, giant bays filled with quickly breeding sea life, both animal and vegetable, until the Empire deemed the ores under the seabed more valuable and sent in mining crews to extract them. The waste from the mining operations flooded the bays, not enough to kill everything, just enough to make everything removed from them unsuitable for export. The ores extracted after a few years the mining companies left, along with anyone who was smart and could afford to.   
  
The city was slightly more fortunate than most, and that was what has lured too many people into staying. The seafood was still safe enough for a majority of species, the Empire didn’t meddle in your lives like in other places, it seemed nearly perfect. Except the inhabitants quickly discovered that reputable traders avoided it, why risk your operation for something like tainted seafood that was close to worthless even when legal? And the city had little else to offer, even the majority of black market smugglers avoiding it in favor of more suitable spots, so when disaster struck Rae was on its own.  
  
On its own, except for an idealistic crew commanded by a Captain who believed just attacking the Empire wasn’t enough for the long run. When transmissions for aid were over and over again met with bland excuses as to why the Empire had far more important business to attend to, Hera had put together a plan.   
  
“Mask on, Ezra.” Kanan’s voice was slightly tinny as a result of the low quality speaker in the medical face mask.   
  
“We’re not there yet, and the air tastes terrible. I think you gave me a bad one.” Ezra scowled at the device, finally slipping it back on and tightening the strap down to assist the seal.  
  
“They’re all like that, but it’s the better option. None of us can afford to get sick, you know that.”   
  
“Yeah, but I don’t see why I can’t wear one of my helmets instead. Sabine’s wearing hers.” Ezra tried not to fidget with the mask again, knowing it wouldn’t improve the fit, or the air quality.   
  
“My helmet’s equipped with a medical grade filter, better than the ones you have. I need it for a lot of the chemicals and fumes I work with. The filter on a cadet helmet might keep out dust. Might. I wouldn’t count on it.”  Sabine was leaned against one of the crates, tenser than usual even if the helmet blocked all trace of expression.  
  
Raeviss Fever had a nearly non-existent mortality rate under normal conditions. It responded well to nearly all supportive therapies and anti-virals, and even left untreated healthy adults generally recovered fully in about a week. The very young, the old, the infirm, however, it could be devastating, killing outright, disabling, or leaving them weak to secondary infections. Normally it didn’t spread that quickly, but the weather had been unusually hot and muggy, the air saturated and allowing the virus to become airborn and to linger on surfaces long after it normally would have died. It had gone from a few individuals, to an outbreak, to an epidemic, all while the Empire ignored it.   
  
They landed in what looked like a ghost town, everyone grabbing a cart and pushing the crates loaded with medical supplies into the empty square.   
  
“Do you think we’re…” Zeb gestured around at the lack of people. “Too late?” He was the only one with no form of protective gear. None of the masks fit properly, and he claimed Lasat’s tended to be immune to most humanoid illnesses anyway.   
  
“No, unless this is something new… there.” Hera turned as people started coming out of a couple of the buildings, in full medical suits.  
  
“Thank you for coming so quickly. We’ve put out a voluntary quarantine curfew during the day, to try to limit exposure. But without supplies..”   
  
“You have them now.” Hera guided the person who seemed to be in charge over to the crates, grateful that the situation seemed to be under control. No sooner did she list off the contents that orders were being given on where to take them and distribute them where they’d do the most good, what supplies were to go directly to the hospitals and which would be better distributed directly.  
  
Ezra was torn between being relieved and a little let down. It was obviously a serious situation, but it felt nearly anti-climactic after the rush to get there. At least until the first people started emerging from their homes, some obviously ill and others it was hard to tell if it was fever or near panic driving them. The suited locals who weren’t guiding crates quickly turned to crowd control, trying to reassure people and get them back to their homes and Ezra finally caught on to why exactly everyone else had been so tense. A whole city full of people terrified for their lives and the lives of their loved ones, who knew exactly how scarce resources could be, could quickly turn into a mob. Everyone frantic to make sure that they got something, anything, for their own, no matter what the cost. Uncomfortable with the press of people, so many broadcasting distress, he grabbed one of the empty hovercarts to start pushing it back onto the ship. He just needed a moment, just a minute or two to ground himself and remind himself why they were there.   
  
He flinched, but didn’t quite manage to evade the hand that grabbed onto his upper arm like a vice.   
  
“Please, you have to help me, please!” The strange man stared at him wild-eyed, holding onto him like a drowning man.  
  
“Let go! That’s what we’re doing. They’ll get you the medicine you need.” Ezra tried to pull free, struggling, hampered by the knowledge he was here as a rescuer. Against someone else he’d have no problem using whatever means necessary.  
  
“No they won’t! They won’t! My baby’s sick, and they won’t treat her. I’ve been to every hospital and they won’t even give her a bed. How can they have no beds? Please, anything!” And still holding him in place one hand reached, wrenching the mask from Ezra’s face.   
  
 “What do you think you’re doing?!” Kanan was fast, but not as fast as he should have been, grabbing the man’s wrist and squeezing, making him loosen his grip on the mask so Ezra could yank it back. He’d been too preoccupied with keeping an eye on the crowd and making sure no one interfered with the supplies to keep his eye on his young padawan. There was a flash of worried irritation, of course Ezra would find trouble, but it was quickly banished by the fact it was obvious Ezra wasn’t at fault.    
  
“No one will listen to me.” The man let go of Ezra at that, turning to Kanan instead. “Please, you have to help.”   
  
“Fine, we’ll help, but you need to calm down.” Kanan made sure Ezra had his mask back on before he started to follow the man.  
  
“Wait, he grabs me and you’re just going to help him?” Ezra sounded indignant, following him instead of continuing on to the ship.  
  
“That’s what we’re here for, isn’t it? To help people.”   
  
“Yeah but...” Ezra made a frustrated sound as the three of them went into the home. He was glad for the mask, even the chemical tang of the filtered air was better than he imagined it smelled like from the stuffy gloom inside the home. He was familiar enough with the smells that came with sickness and had no desire to experience them again. He tried hard to think about that, and not the reality of the small form in the bed.   
  
The fever left unusual marks on the skin, the man himself was carrying them on his exposed arms. They were dark red and smooth, nearly like a birthmark, but sore to the touch like a bruise. Many of the people uncovered by suits had some visible on their skin like they’d been blotched with paint. The small child on the bed was nearly covered in them, and so still that Ezra started to back away, convinced that they’d been dragged in to save a corpse. It wasn’t until Kanan put a hand on the child’s head that he saw the slight rise and fall of the chest showing they were still breathing. From the way the officials were talking, the kid didn’t stand a chance. It wasn’t any wonder the hospitals had been turning them away, to spend what resources they had on those who had a chance.  
  
“Ezra, come here.” Kanan could feel the way the small child’s life force was failing, the disease burning them up. Force-healing was something that took at least one of two things, a lot of power or a lot of training. He didn’t have either. Most Jedi warriors learned just a little beyond the basics, his own injuries healed faster than those of someone who wasn’t force sensitive, and with focus and meditation he could speed up the process even further. True Force Healers had spent as much time on their craft as warriors did on theirs, and most species never lived long enough to make mastering both disciplines a reasonable goal. It was entirely possible this would fail, but trying could hardly make things worse. “And you, whatever your name is, go get some clean water if you have any, but don’t come back in until I say so.”  
  
Ezra waited until the man was gone before he came over. “What are you going to do?”   
  
“What are we going to do. The Force can be used for fighting, you’ve seen plenty of that, but it can also be used for healing. So that’s what we’re going to do.” And Kanan hated the lies of omission he seemed to do on a near daily basis with him, but sharing his own doubts was too risky. Ezra needed to believe in himself without worrying that he was expecting him to fail, a lot. Part of his training would eventually be accepting his own limitations, but not while things were still new and he didn’t have a secure enough foundation of accomplishments to fall back on. “Close your eyes and make the connection.”  
  
That part at least Ezra was familiar enough with, even if it had been non-sentients up until then. He held his hand out, not quite touching, his face going into the familiar blankness, and then his brow furrowing. “It feels strange, like they’re far away. And.. it’s not right.”   
  
“Perfect. You want to try and pull them back closer. Trust in the Force.” Kanan added his focus to his, trying to guide and support.   
  
Ezra struggled, it was harder than lifting the blast doors, or the Temple. The doors were just held by artificial gravity and inertia, the temple wanted to admit them, this felt like they were actively being fought against. He could feel the presence slipping, trying to pull back away, and he redoubled his efforts, stubbornly, not even noticing when his hand started to shake.  
  
Kanan opened his eyes, letting out a breath. “Ezra, you can stop now.” He waited until his apprentice opened his eyed with a small gasp, looking down at the child.   
  
It wasn’t a huge difference, not to the unassisted eye, the marks were maybe a little fainter, and the breathing steadier, but when Kanan went to the door to let the father back in she opened her eyes, starting to cry. The man rushed in at that, paying no mind to the two as he babbled to her. Kanan gave Ezra a small nudge, to urge him outside.   
  
“We really did it? We saved her?” Ezra looked a little dazed still, glancing back at the building.   
  
“Maybe”  
  
“What do you mean maybe?”  
  
“I mean there’s no way to tell just yet. The kid might be fine, might get worse again, something else could happen.” Kanan was glad to see the crowd had mostly dispersed, the crates were gone and the rest of the crew was hanging around the hanger to the Ghost.   
  
“That’s certainly optimistic.“  
  
“Yeah, well better than the alternative.” He didn’t pause in walking towards the Ghost.  
  
“Kanan.”  Ezra seemed to be turning something over in his head. “When you’re connected to someone like that, and you can feel them like that, can you feel them… what if they don’t. Make it that is.”   
  
“Worry about that later, we’ve got paying missions to worry about. All those supplies nearly cleaned out our wallets, and our list of favors.” They would be fine for food, there was a supply depot on the other side of the bay with no reported illness. They might get a little tired of fish, but they’ve all eaten worse at one time or another.   
  
Ezra grumbled, but went up the hanger ramp eagerly enough. Hera was nearly to the cockpit when Kanan caught up to her.   
  
“We might have a problem”


	2. Chapter 2

“Lets see, what do I want to do today. I could go out, maybe do a supply run or just get some fresh air. Maybe enjoy having the ship mostly to myself. Run some diagnostics without getting interrupted…” Zeb was enjoying himself, Ezra made the best expressions when he was trying to pretend not to be bothered by something. He made some great ones when he finally snapped too.  
  
“Oh sure, rub it in. Meanwhile I’ll enjoy actually getting some time to myself for a change. First vacation I’ve had in a while.” Ezra wasn’t sulking, he was… something that involved staying sprawled on his bunk annoyed but wasn’t anything as childish as sulking. Hera had tried to make it sound like a general thing, they couldn’t be 100% sure of their masks or the decontamination afterwards. Symptoms took three to four days to show after exposure, it made sense take some extra precautions. Stay in their rooms as much as possible, limit contact with each other, use the coms if they needed to communicate. All very reasonable to prevent possible infection and something they were all following, but Ezra knew it was because of him. Hera’s eyes had lingered just a moment too long on him while she was saying it, and even if she hadn’t seen him lose the mask Kanan would have told her about it. It wasn’t even that long, he probably didn’t even breathe in at the time. He can’t remember, exactly, it was too fast, but there were people helping friends and relatives who didn’t even have a mask who never came down with the disease. One breath or two couldn't be enough to cause a problem.   
  
“Don’t get too used to it, one more day and it’s back to work.”   
  
“Yeah well until then you can be useful and bring me back dinner.”   
  
“We’ll see. If I feel like it.” Zeb waved lazily as he walked out. There was no need for him or Chopper to avoid the others and they both had the run of the ship.   
  
Ezra sighed, staring at the ceiling a minute then tapped the com. “Sabine?”   
  
“What is it? I’m busy.”  
  
“Busy? With what?”   
  
“I have a whole set of aqua-resist paints I’ve never even touched because they’re so much more temperamental and you can’t really stop in the middle or the whole thing’s ruined. And I never wanted to start it if I had to worry about being interrupted every few minutes, so unless it’s important…”   
  
“Uuh, not really. Sorry.”   
  
“Got it.” And the channel closed. Ezra huffed at the ceiling like it was personally to blame, thinking a minute then opening up the com channel to Kanan’s room.  
  
The equivalent of a busy signal beeped over the link. He knew the codes to override it, of course, but since it wasn’t actually an emergency he didn’t need the lecture on not interrupting him just because he was bored. He could guess what Kanan would probably say anyway, to take the opportunity to meditate without distractions.  
  
He hovered over the button for opening the com to the cockpit for a long while before deciding against it. Hera would talk to him, if he wanted her to. He’d already bugged her for a long while, prompting her to tell stories over the com of interesting past missions she’d been on. She didn’t seem to mind, he didn’t ask about anything that seemed like it might bring up too many bad memories, and even as reserved as she normally was he could tell how she lit up when talking about expert maneuvers she’d coaxed out of the Ghost or other vehicles in tight situations, and she had an expert turn of phrase when she was describing some of the flyboys she’d dealt with in the past.  
  
  
Hera would probably be willing to share stories again, but he didn’t want to monopolize her time. If she really wanted to talk with him she’d call in first, waiting for him to contact her first meant she was probably taking pity on him. In a nice way, yes, but still doing it because she wanted to be kind than out of any real desire to talk to him.   
  
With few other options he closed his eyes, he could at least try to meditate like this for a while to pass the time. It didn’t quite seem fair, for years he’d spent weeks on end without encountering another intelligent life form, much less interacting with them, and it’d been fine. Now that he was used to having friends again having them just out of reach was far more irritating. With a long slow breath he put all of that out of his mind, reaching for the Force. It always had time for him, at least.  
  


* * *

  
  
Ezra woke up groggily when he heard the door open and close. Kanan had told him there was nothing wrong with falling asleep during meditation. It happened a lot unintentionally at first, especially if you were in a comfortable position instead of standing or kneeling, so he wasn’t bothered by that. He just wasn’t used to napping during the day and waking up disoriented and exhausted.   
  
“Lunch is on. Didn’t know if you wanted fish, fish, or fish. So I took a wild guess.” Zeb shoved the tray up onto the top bunk. Ezra grumbled, pulling back from it and making a face. “What’s wrong now?”  
  
“Not exactly a lot of fishing on Lothal. People really eat this stuff?” Ezra poked at the plate, hoping the evasion wouldn’t get caught. There wasn’t a lot of meat like this, but he’d long learned to stomach most everything that wasn’t toxic to humans, eating when he could. He just wasn’t hungry.   
  
“Yeah well unless we happen to fall over a whole chest full of credits in the next day or two, you’ll get used to it.” Zeb flopped down onto his bunk.   
  
Ezra tried to eat it, he really did, the few bites he managed to choke down sitting like lead in his stomach until he gave up, passing the plate down. “Here.”  
  
“You sure? Not going to be anything  better later, and don’t whine to me that you’re hungry an hour from now.” Zeb reached up to take the plate at Ezra’s grunted affirmative. “Suit yourself.” The Lesat made short work of the fish, settling back on the bunk.    
  
Zeb tried a few times to tease him about being stuck in the room, but Ezra had moved from playfully irritated to sullen and after a while he gave up, pretending he wasn’t up there until lights out.   
  


* * *

 

  
Kanan slipped into the copilot’s chair beside Hera, peering at the screens. “Day four halfway over, 12 more hours or so and we’re all in the clear.”   
  
“Kanan…” Hera started to point out that it wasn’t fully over yet, until the electronic quality of his voice registered and she saw the mask.  Even if there was a low chance now, he was taking it seriously. Instead she straightened, checking the readouts. “We’ll need to do something to blow off some steam, otherwise when quarantine ends…”   
  
“They’re going to tear the ship apart.” Kanan finished for her, leaning back in the chair.   
  
“Sabine’s been sending me holos every few minutes wanting critiques, Zeb’s gone over the weapons systems about six times, Chopper… is Chopper.”  
  
“We're doomed. And Ezra?”   
  
Hera tapped a gloved finger on the side of the console, thinking back. “Nothing today. We talked before, but I figured he was spending time with Zeb right now.”  
  
Kanan touched a screen to pull up com records. “He called in a few times yesterday, but I was busy going over some of the jobs we’ve been looking at. Hee didn’t override so it wasn’t an emergency, then nothing today.”  
  
“And Zeb’s been flushing the water filtration systems, alone.” Hera looked at him. “It’s probably nothing..” But she was already reaching for her mask.   
  
“If it’s nothing no one else has to know we were being paranoid.” Kanan stood, offering her a hand up to check on the living quarters.   
  


* * *

 

  
Ezra knew he should tell someone, make the call. He hadn’t felt great the night before, but he’d hoped it was nothing, coincidence. He was actually awake when Zeb woke up, holding still and trying to breathe slowly and steadily. It had been obvious the Lasat wasn’t trying to wake him, even if he was a lot louder getting ready than he thought he was. Finally Zeb left and he breathed a sigh that turned into a wheezy cough, kicking the blanket off. Over the last few hours he’d alternated between bundling up under it and shivering, and pushing it off and pressing against the cool metal wall trying to cool off. He’d tried to be careful! He didn’t want an ‘I told you so’ or a lecture on how important the mission was.   
  
He squirmed, trying to find a comfortable position and failing. Ezra was miserable, and his worry of being yelled at for failing was starting to be overwhelmed by the want to just have someone know, even if there wasn’t anything he could do. He touched the com, bringing up the connection to Kanan’s room, and no one picked up. He would have laughed if it wouldn’t have hurt his chest, curling up and resting his burning forehead against the wall again, missing the sound of the door sliding open.   
  
Kanan had been hoping Ezra had the same idea he had, to slip his mask on and go wandering, maybe bother Sabine, but he could feel him in the room even before the door opened, his heart sinking. Hera was the one to hurry over to the bunk, reaching out to touch Ezra’s back.   
  
“Ezra?” Hera’s hopes that it was just him napping were dashed, feeling the heat even through the cloth and her gloves, and the way he stirred sluggishly to look at her. “Oh Ezra.”    
  
“I’m sorry.” It was mumbled, Ezra turning his face away.   
  
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” Hera brushed his hair back, glancing at Kanan as if to see if he was going to challenge that statement. He didn’t have any intention of it, moving closer to start opening Ezra’s jumpsuit, ignoring the surprised looks.  
  
“Sorry, not trying to strip you, just need to be absolutely sure. If it’s something else we need to know.” Kanan was gentle, tugging the cloth open until he found one of the dark red splotches on his side, sighing and starting to zip him back up.  “Raeviss Fever. You’re in for a miserable week”  
  
“And we don’t have any medicine for it, anything that might help we loaded off planet.” Hera sounded worried, hand still in his hair. Ezra managed a small smile.   
  
“Hey, it’s not usually dangerous like this, right? It sucks, I’m not going to say I wanted it to happen, but I’ll be ok.” Ezra had been expecting to get lectured on being more careful, or delaying everyone, not having both of them hovering over him looking so worried.    
  
“Right.” Hera reached to get the blanket, shaking it out and then draping it over him. “Don’t worry about anything, we’ll let the others know. Have you eaten anything yet?”   
  
Ezra looked mildly horrified “No food. Don’t bring any food in here.”   
  
“Got it.” Hera gave him a reassuring smile, patting his shoulder. She held the confident carriage until she was safely outside the door, letting her shoulder slump then and turning to Kanan, eyes narrowed. “What was that?”  
  
“What do y…”   
  
“Don’t play dumb with me, Kanan Jarrus. He’s sick and he’s scared and you treated him like he was a malfunctioning droid.” She kept her voice low, well aware of how loud a sound needed to be to be heard through the doors.   
  
Kanan held his hands up in surrender “We can talk about this later. Right now we need to make sure everyone else knows about this.” Hera watched him with narrowed eyes, then nodded. There was still a lot to be done.   
  



	3. Chapter 3

“He’s sick? Does that mean another week of this?” Even with her face covered Sabine’s tone clearly conveyed her irritation, complete with the angry gesture towards her helmet.

 

“No, the air in the Ghost is too dry and the air filters are all fully functional, without direct contact the odds of catching anything are nearly impossible. It won’t hurt to be careful until everyone’s past the incubation time, but once that’s over we can relax.” Hera was quick to reassure her.

 

“As far as everyone else is concerned, it’s business as usual. ” Kanan’s casual tone was at odd with how tense he was holding himself.

 

“Eeh, suppose we shouldn’t be too surprised. Kid’ll know to keep his hands out of his face and away from his mask next time.” Zeb sounded resigned, expecting to be ordered to play nursemaid as the only organic on the crew with no need to worry about catching the fever himself.

 

“It wasn’t his fault.” Kanan spoke a little too quickly. “One of the people on planet panicked and yanked his mask off. I saw it happening, there wasn’t any way for him to stop it without hurting them.”

 

“And if he had hurt them, with as tense as everything already was, things could have gotten ugly fast.” Sabine’s voice was a great deal more sympathetic at that.

 

“As I said, business as usual. Now I have a few potential jobs lined up. Somehow it seems to have gotten out that the Empire dropped the ball on Rae and they’re scrambling to do damage control, which means…” Kanan went over the list of possible targets without needing to focus all his attention on the briefing, his mind more preoccupied by who wasn’t there.

 

Or who hadn’t been there, at any rate, a small sound made him turn, staring down the open hall where Ezra looked like he was holding himself upright through stubborn force of will alone. A small part of him noticed and approved that he’d remembered to put on the mask before leaving his room. “What do you think you’re doing?”

 

“I’m still part of this crew, right? I can still do my part. Maybe I’m not up to going off ship, but… I could be at the aft guns , or…” Ezra took a shuffling step forward, then wobbled precipitously.

 

This time Kanan was fast enough, launching himself across the room and wrapping his arms around Ezra as his padawan’s legs gave out. Instead of crumpling to the ground Ezra ended up slumped against him, his whole form shaking with dry painful sounding coughs.

 

“You can go back to bed.” Kanan held him, feeling Zeb touch his shoulder and shaking his head slightly. As soon as the coughing tapered off he lifted him up into his arms. It was slower carrying him like this and he couldn’t as easily get a hand free, but it was far more dignified than slinging him over his shoulder.

 

Ezra didn’t struggle, his brief burst of energy used up by the walk and coughing fit. Kanan eased them both down to sit on the lower bunk, ignoring the start of his protests.

 

“I know, but unless you’ve got a good reason for staying on the top bunk you’re not going to want to climb up and down.” Kanan didn’t add on that he didn’t think Ezra would be capable of it on his own and he didn’t want to wrestle him up onto the top. Knowing him, he’d climb up just to prove he could. “What was that about anyway?”

 

“I just wanted to help.” Ezra yanked the mask off, taking a deep breath and then nearly choking as he tried to keep from coughing again. Kanan reached out to rub over his back, slow soothing strokes until Ezra slowly breathed out and in again without a hitch.

 

“I know, and you will. But you need to trust us right now. You need to rest.” Kanan nudged him into lying down, not that it took a great deal of urging, reaching up to grab the blanket off the top bunk. Ezra had already curled up, tucking his knees up to his chest. “Do you want me to stay with you? Or would you rather someone else keep you company?”

 

“You’ve got a briefing to get back to.” Ezra tugged at the offered blanket, pulling it up tight around him. “Everyone does.” The rest of the sentence was mumbled into the blanket folds. “Except me.”

 

“That’s not what I asked.” Kanan stared down at the blanket lump for a long minute before sighing, standing up. As much as he wanted to stay, Ezra was right. It would take a few minutes to go through decontamination procedures, and then back to the meeting. “Let someone know if you need anything, or want anything. Got it?” He didn’t wait around for an answer, stepping out and leaving Ezra alone once more.

 

Ezra slowly uncurled a little once he was sure Kanan was gone, rubbing his hand over his face. There was a lot he wanted. He just knew good and well there wasn’t any value in wanting what you couldn’t have.

 

* * *

 

 

Kanan hadn’t needed to hurry. By the time he cleaned up and joined the group a mission had already been decided on and they were discussing planning. He spoke up now and then, but he was better at thinking on his feet instead of going over possibilities ahead of time. He nodded to Zeb, stepping out so they could talk.

 

“I got him back to bed, but I’m worried about that cough.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him.” Zeb didn’t look like he was bothered by he idea.

 

“Just try to be patient with him. He’s a little…” Kanan tried to think of a good word for cranky that didn’t sound belittling.

 

“Sick and whiny about it? I can handle one sick kid. I’ll be nice to ‘em”

 

“And I moved him down to the bottom bunk.” Kanan braced himself.

 

“You what?! Kanan, you know I hate sleeping up top, and the kid loves it up there. That’s not fair.” Zeb looked indignant

 

“I know. But he was shaking badly enough trying to walk and I don’t want him trying to climb up and down for things.”

 

“Someone can get them for him”

 

“The toilet?”

 

“Ah, right. Forgot about that. “ Zeb looked a little sheepish. “Fine, he can have the bottom bunk. Just until he’s feeling better.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ezra squirmed sluggishly in bed, trying to find a spot that didn’t hurt or press on a bruise. He felt too tired to sleep.

 

“Settle down, the sooner you stop moving around the sooner you’ll get to sleep.” Zeb waved a hand lazily down over the side. “And you’ll stop shaking the whole bunk.”

 

“Sorry me being sick is so inconvenient for you.” Ezra glared up the bottom of the top bunk, not bothering to try and muffle the next coughing fit.

 

“Yeah, well I’ll forgive you eventually.” Zeb had tried a few times to get Ezra to admit to needing anything, eventually just shoving a cup of cold water by his bunk for him to drink if he got thirsty. The kid probably just wanted to curl up and lick his wounds in private without someone poking them every few minutes and he sympathized. It was nice knowing someone cared, but sometimes the attention got a little smothering.

 

Ezra tried to listen, eventually exhaustion overwhelming the discomfort and he slept, if not peacefully at least deeply. Then came the dreams, his fever taking past memories and twisting them darker. He was lost in endless streets, trying to find anyone he knew, and unable to stop moving He was scared, chased, and helpless. It wasn’t like his mind had to reach hard to find any number of faces to fill the role of pursuer and soon he was trapped, backed into the corner, the Inquisitor looming over him ready to strike. When his shoulder was grabbed roughly and shaken the panic seemed to peak, then melt away into a calm moment of clarity and his eyes flew open. He only had a moment to take in the shadowed figure hovering close over him before he _shoved_ them across the room with everything he had.

 

Zeb hit the wall with a too-loud thud, slowly sliding down to slump on the floor as reality came flooding back and Ezra stared across to room, realization dawning.

 

“ZEB!”


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn’t the first time Kanan had been woken out of a dead sleep and had to sprint into action, it was an unfortunate side effect of the lifestyle he led. It wasn’t a long sprint, ending up at the door to Ezra and Zeb’s room. He paused for a moment, hesitating, then realized he’d grabbed up his mask without thinking about it. He fit it on before opening the door, taking in the scene in front of him.  
  
Ezra was half out of the bed, tangled in the blankets and eyes impossibly wide. A quick touch confirmed what he suspected, Zeb was only stunned and already starting to move to pick himself up and Kanan left him alone to approach Ezra. His padawan seemed to be trying to decide between struggling up to check on Zeb and trying to shrink back away and Kanan moving towards him decided it, and he tried to scoot back and away, not getting very far.  
  
“I didn’t, I mean he… and I.. I didn’t mean it!” Ezra flinched as Kanan held his hands up, motioning for him to calm down.  
  
“Easy, Ezra, look at me. You’re fine, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He crouched down, not quite touching him. He could hear everyone else arriving to see what was going on behind him, but he didn’t turn to look.  
  
“Well would be nice if you didn’t nearly throw me through the wall.” Zeb grumbled, rubbing the back of his head.  
  
“I didn’t…?” Ezra sounded confused, but he was slowly relaxing and Kanan took the opportunity to touch his forehead, wincing at the heat.  “He’s ok?”  
  
“I’m fine. Take more than a shove to hurt me.” Zeb shook himself off, looking at the gathered crowd “What’s everyone staring at anyway?”  
  
Chopper made a rude sound and Hera took charge. “Everyone back to bed, emergency over.”  
  
Kanan stayed where he was, hand on Ezra’s forehead watching how his eyelids drooped now that the adrenalin rush was over, making a decision. “I think Ezra should stay with me. I can keep something like that from happening again.”  
  
“Good, I can get my bed back.” Zeb was moving stiffly, more bruised by his encounter with the wall than he wanted to let on. Kanan started to correct him that he hadn’t planned on moving Ezra again and then thought better of it. Ezra was his responsibility and he coaxed him up to his feet.  
  
“Come on, I’ve got a few ideas to get that fever down.” Kanan steered him out to the hall, down towards his room. He didn’t want to just haul him around like a sack of fruit if he didn’t have to, more for Ezra’s dignity than his own.  
  
“Maybe you should just take me back to Lothal.” Ezra dragged his feet, finally slumping onto Kanan’s bunk. “I wouldn’t be risking infecting everyone else or causing any more problems.”  
  
“If that’s what you really want we’ll discuss it, after the mission.” Kanan hoped it wouldn’t come up, the last thing he wanted to do was just drop him off alone.  
  
“I can take care of myself you know.” Ezra still wouldn’t meet his eyes, staring at the floor like there was some deeper meaning in the scruffs.  
  
“I know you can, this isn’t about that. Just because you can do something alone doesn’t mean you have to.” He waited to see if Ezra would respond, and then when he didn’t say anything continued on. “I know you care about everyone here and would do anything to protect them. Is it really so hard to believe we’d all do the same for you?” That got him a startled glance up, Ezra searching his face.  
  
“I know that.”  
  
“But there’s a huge difference between knowing and believing. Look, I know this is a horrible time for a lecture. Just trust me that I want to help?” He waited for the slight nod, giving Ezra a gentle smile. “Good, I’ll be back with something to hopefully lower your fever so you can get some sleep.”  
  


* * *

  
  
It took some work to haul the gel packs up and into the room. They were for stabilizing temperature sensitive materials during transport, able to absorb a great deal of heat. They could be used to keep materials warm, or they could be chilled down. Normally they just stayed in the cargo hold, too heavy and awkward to be useful for much, but if it helped it was worth hauling them up, dragging them through the door to his room.  
  
Ezra just looked a little confused when Kanan brought it over to the bunk, setting it down. “Scoot just a moment.” He laid it down on the bunk and then nudged Ezra to lay down on it. Ezra flinched, resisting a moment.  
  
“It’s cold.”  
  
“I know, hopefully it’ll bring your fever down.” Kanan kept a steady hand on his back until Ezra gave up and laid down on the gel pack. It was softer than the bunk itself and if it wasn’t for the way they cold seemed to sink into his bones it would have been fairly nice. Kanan grabbed the second pack to drape over his back, effectively pinning him down.  
  
Ezra toughed it out as long as he could, not wanting to complain, but he was shivering so hard his teeth rattled and he couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped.  
  
Almost immediately he felt one of Kanan’s hands take his, squeezing it reassuringly, the other feeling over his forehead. “I know, this is horrible.”  
  
“C-can’t you do like back on planet?” Ezra squeezed back, clinging to the contact as he tried to talk without his teeth chattering too hard.  
  
“No, I’m sorry. If I could I would, believe me.” Kanan brushed his hair back away from his face, then touched the back of his neck. “It feels like it’s working.”  
  
“It b-better.” Ezra ducked his head away from Kanan to cough harshly. He hated feeling like he couldn’t take a full breath.  
  
Kanan left him alone long enough to get a cup of water, setting it nearby. When he judged that the gel had worked for long enough he tugged the top one off, letting it slide to the floor and tugging Ezra up off of the other. Ezra clung helplessly, tucking his face against Kanan’s shoulder and trying to will the shivering to ease off.  
  
“Here, try to drink this.” Kanan shifted Ezra a little more into his lap so he could hold him, bringing the cup up to his lips. Ezra’s teeth chattered against the rim but he managed to swallow most of it, only spilling a little.  
  
Slowly the shivering eased off and Ezra stayed sagged against Kanan’s chest. This close he could hear the little wheezy hitch on each inhale, but there was nothing he could do to ease that. Not yet at any rate.  
  
“Try to get back to sleep if you can.” Kanan shifted the other gelpack to the floor, they’d stay cold enough if he needed to use them again. He helped Ezra ease down onto the bunk, starting to get up to take the top.  
  
“What if I have another nightmare?” Ezra caught at his hand before he could pull away.  
  
“I’ll be right here, we’ll deal with it.” Kanan reached out to stroke his thumb over Ezra’s jawline, tracing the outline of a dark red splotch. “The first week Zeb was on board I went in to wake him up. I grabbed his arm to shake him awake, and got punched in the face. Turns out he's a little touchy about being grabbed in his sleep. ”  
  
That got a smile out of Ezra. “Doesn’t surprise me.”  
  
“Surprised me. Broke my nose, and I had two black eyes for weeks. No one’s going to blame you for that. Now try to sleep.”  Kanan waited until Ezra let go of his hand before straightening up to climb up to the top bunk.  
  
“G’night Kanan.”  



	5. Chapter 5

Ezra woke slowly feeling fingers combing through his hair, he scrunched a little. Even if the touch felt nice he didn’t want to wake up enough to remember how terrible he felt. The touch was persistent though and he slowly opened his eyes.  
  
“Good news this time.” Kanan smiled down at him, and it took him a few long moments to realize what was different.  
  
“You’re not…” Ezra tried to clear his throat, voice hoarse from the coughing fits that plagued him. As if to remind him he unsuccessfully fought back a cough.    
  
“Wearing a mask? No need. One of the transports had a whole shipment of medical supplies headed to Raeviss. Nevermind that there’s no way they could arrive until after the crisis is under control, the Empire’s trying to make it look like they intended to help. There were inoculations for everyone in the kits.” Kanan took a different mask, one with a small canister attached, fitting it over Ezra’s mouth and nose before he could protest that they’d done the mission without even waking him. “Breathe deep.”  
  
“Don’t know if you’ve noticed, that’s kind of been a problem lately.” Ezra mumbled, trying to do as he said. The air tasted sharply medical, but nearly cold on the inside of his mouth and as he breathed in it felt like a band loosened in his chest. He took another long slow breath, and then Kanan took the mask away.   
  
“How’s that?”   
   
Ezra took a few breaths on his own to test, grinning a little when they came easily. “Doesn’t feel like I’m going to hack out a lung anymore.”   
  
“Good, that’s how it should feel.” Kanan put it back in the kit, there was enough just in that canister for several more doses should Ezra need them.   
  
“You didn’t just do a mission for me, did you?”   
  
“Not entirely. It was a bonus, but the main target we’re taking care of now. People who’ve come under suspicion by the Empire for not being entirely loyal but are too well connected are finding their children given full scholarships to Imperial Universities, attendance mandatory. There they’re being used as hostages for their parents’ cooperation. There were two on the transport, so we’re rendezvousing with another ship and it’ll be their job to get them back to their parents and they can go into hiding. We’re being paid for our part” Kanan talked as he got out the next thing in the kit, they were designed to be as idiot proof as possible and he unwrapped one of the tiny tablets. “This goes under your tongue, just let it dissolve and then swallow.”  
  
Ezra took it, unable to talk until after the chalky sweet tasting thing was swallowed. “What was that?”   
  
“Something to bring down your fever and help with the pain.” Kanan tried not to let on exactly how relieved he was now that there was proper medicine on board.   
  
“Thanks.” Ezra reached up to rub over his face, trying to avoid the mark along his jaw.  
  
“When you’re up for it it’ll be easier to have visitors now, if you want them.”   
  
“Visitors?” Ezra hadn’t considered that, not with everything going on.  
  
“No one wants to come barging in if you’re not up for company, but there’s no reason for anyone to stay away now.” Kanan spent more time than he needed fidgeting with the kit before setting it aside.   
  
“I’d like that. Not right now, but later.”   
  
“Good. Think you’ll be alright if I go take care of a few things?” Kanan didn’t want to just go, but there was a great deal to do and Ezra looked like he was going to just fall back asleep.   
  
“I’ll be fine, go.” He hunkered down under the blanket, closing his eyes again to try and get a little more sleep.   
  


* * *

  
  
Ezra leaned back against the wall, silently ordering his legs to obey him this time. He took a breath, hauling himself up only partway before his strength gave out sending him right back down. He’d thought he’d be able to handle a quick trip to the refresher and a shower, clean off the disgusting feeling from being sick, at least for a little while. He lasted up until the end of the sonic shower before his legs started shaking too badly to stay steady and he’d sat down for just a minute. That minute was rapidly turning into far too many and he tucked up, resting his chin on his knees. He’d stuffed his clothes in Kanan’s cleaner so he didn’t even have them to try and get dressed.    
  
He was gathering himself up for another attempt when he heard the door open. He froze, unsure what he should do. He’d been hoping he would have longer to rest and make it back to bed, but at the same time if it meant not having to stay stuck in the refresher any longer than he has to, he’d suck up what was left of his pride.  
  
“Ezra?” Kanan’s voice carried and after a long moment Ezra gave in.  
  
“In here.” He tucked up a little more, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Could you bring me my clothes?”   
  
Kanan carried them in without comment. “Going to need help up?”  
  
“Maybe. Yes.” Ezra reached for his clothes to start tugging them on, only fumbling a little.  
  
“Your strength will come back, it’s just easy to overestimate things at first.” Kanan waited until he had everything tugged back on to reach down and help haul him up.  
  
“Yeah, kind of figured out that last part on my own.” Ezra wobbled, clinging close to him. “Just carry me? Please?”  
  
Kanan crouched to gather him up in his arms as carefully as he could. “Didn’t want to press on the marks any more than I had to.”  
  
“I can handle it.” Ezra still tried hard not to flinch at the way it ached until Kanan eased him back down onto the bunk.   
  
“Feels like the medicine’s working, your fever hasn’t broken yet, but it’s lower.” Kanan rested his wrist on the side of Ezra’s neck, checking, before gently ruffling his hair.  
  
“Really accurate. Didn’t the medkit have a thermometer?”   
  
“I prefer the hands on approach like this. Instruments are useful, but it’s important not to rely on them too much.”  
  
“Uh huh, you just don’t want to drag it out.” Ezra smiled though, relaxing now that the awkwardness was passed and they could get back to more familiar banter.  
  
“No I mean it. The thermometer could give me the exact temperature, but people are more than that. I can tell you’re doing better because you’re more alert, your responses are faster, and when you’re in pain you tense up and the skin around your lips goes pale. Little things like that are important, especially for you.” Kanan reached out, lightly tapping Ezra’s chest. He hadn’t intended to make a lesson of it, but the timing was good. “You’ve probably already noticed the big things when the Force gets your attention, but most of the time things are more subtle. It’s harder because it’s a lot easier for emotion to get in the way and tempt you to read what you want to into it, but it’s worth paying attention to.”  
  
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Ezra was tempted to ask how much else Kanan was able to read from him, but the thought was a little worrying. He liked the idea he had some privacy at least.   
  
“And if I don’t have to dig out the kit just for that it’s a win win.” Kanan ruffled his hair gently.  
  
Ezra smiles at the ruffle. “Hey, you said something about visitors? Not that you’re not good company, but…”  
  
“But you’re stuck with me right now, I know.  We made the drop off earlier so I’ll let everyone know. “  
  
“Thanks, Kanan.”   
  


* * *

  
  
Kanan was not hovering, he couldn’t be hovering when he wasn’t even in the same room. He was just keeping an eye on the camera. Sabine and Zeb had kidnapped Ezra to take him to the galley, insisting that he’d spent enough time stuck in bed, and it looked like they were having fun playing cards. He tensed for a moment when Zeb forgot himself and elbowed Ezra like he usually did and instead of taking the hit and smacking back the teen was knocked over onto Sabine. The moment passed quickly with both of them helping him back upright and then from Zeb’s sheepish body language and the way Sabine was shaking a finger at him he was probably getting a scolding.   
  
“He’s going to be fine, you know.” While Kanan had been watching the screen Hera had been watched him with open amusement.   
  
“I know that.” Kanan made a show of turning his back on the screens, slumping down in the chair and staring out into hyperspace.  
  
“Uh huh. I believe you.” Hera was never quite sure if Kanan fancied himself a stoic unreadable rogue and would be offended that he was an open book, or if he knew how good she was at reading people and didn’t bother to try hiding from her. She suspected the answer lay somewhere between the two.   
  
“How do you do it?”   
  
“I do a whole lot of ‘it’, you’ll have to be more specific.”  
  
“Find where the line is with people. If I keep my distance and try to keep things professional I can tell he wants to be closer, if I try to be friendly he fights me every step of the way. If I worry over him it’s like I’m saying I don’t trust him, if I don’t it’s like I don’t care enough to worry. I can’t win.“ Kanan was starting to realize how lucky he’d been that when Sabine and Zeb joined he’d been put in unofficial charge of helping Zeb fit in. He may have an odd sense of humor and a bigger playful steak, but the Lasat was a lot like him in a lot of ways, enough that they’d settled into an understanding without much work on his part. The minute he thought he’d found his footing with Ezra the terrain changed and he was having to improvise again.   
  
“It’s not easy. The best advice I can give you is to be honest. You can tie yourself up in knots trying to predict how someone’s going to react to something, but sometimes it’s best to just take a shot and go from there.” Hera watched his expression, a conversation from before coming back to mind. “Is that why you were so cold with him when he first fell ill?”   
  
Kanan looked embarrassed, fidgeting with a rough spot on the armrest of his chair and risking another glance back at the screen. Nothing had changed since he last looked. “Yeah. I didn’t exactly want to be, but… He’s a good student, if I tell him to do something he does it. He may challenge me on it later, but he listens. If I try to ask, like a friend, it’s…. it’s like herding Loth-cats.”   
  
Hera reached over, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Keep trying, you’ll both get the hang of it I’m sure.” She looked back to the screen. “It looks like the game’s wrapping up if you want to go try right now. You can let everyone know we should be touching down on Lothal in a few hours.” She tried not to smile at how quickly Kanan scrambled up at that.  
  
“Thanks Hera.”  
  
“You can thank me with a fresh cup of caf in a few hours.”  
  


* * *

  
  
Ezra was struggling more and more to pay attention to the cards in front of him. Normally he was good at games like this, even if Sabine was luckier than anyone had a right to be. He’d spent a dozen games trying to figure out if she was cheating somehow before giving up and just accepting it.   
  
He realized he’d just spent over a minute trying to tally up what his hand was worth and just laid the cards down. “I fold.” He tried to hide a yawn that turned into a cough, making him frown and rub his chest.   
  
“Zeb?” Sabine sounded amused.  
  
“I’m in, show me what you’ve got.” They both tossed down cards and Zeb laughed, reaching to gather up the pile of nuts, bolts, and other assorted junk they were using in place of credits. “I knew you were bluffing.”  
  
“You got lucky. For once.” Sabine tried to sound insulted, failing and not really bothered by it.   
  
“I’m going to side with Sabine on this one. If you knew she was bluffing you wouldn’t have fallen for it the last dozen times.” Ezra smiled and then tried not to yawn again.  
  
“Sounds like it’s past your bedtime, kid.” Zeb gathered up the cards to start shuffling them.  
  
“I’m fine, I can just watch.” Ezra tried to prop himself up a little more, trying to look more alert than he felt.   
  
“Everyone can try to get a little rest. We won’t be back on Lothal for a few more hours.” Kanan was glad to see no one really seemed too bothered by him breaking up the game. Sabine started gathering up the bolts to save for next time and Zeb took the cards he was shuffling and slid them back into their sleeve instead.   
  
It only took a minute for them to clean up and say their goodnights, heading to their bunks and leaving Kanan and Ezra alone in the galley. Ezra was starting to pull himself up when he felt a warm hand on his back.   
  
“Here, let me?” It only took a moment to Kanan to tug Ezra up and into his arms for the walk back to his bunk.  Ezra didn’t bother to protest. He’d made it to the galley under his own power, he’d only needed to be steadied once when he wobbled, but that was before and having fun and forgetting about being sick for a little while had taken more out of him than he expected.   
  
Ezra yawned again, forgetting and breathing in too deep with it and tensing as he couldn’t stop the coughing that followed. Kanan didn’t seem bothered by it, reaching for the med kit once Ezra was down on the bed.   
  
“I might be ok without it, if you want to save the supplies for later.”   
  
Kanan shook his head. “You’ll heal up faster with a good night’s sleep, which you won’t get if you can’t breathe. Better to stay on top of things.”   
  
Ezra didn’t protest, breathing in the medicine and then taking the tablet before settling back, squirming to try and get comfortable. He was quiet as Kanan packed the kit back up and then moved around, quietly getting ready for a quick nap before they left hyperspace and he was needed to be back up in case of problems. He thought Ezra had already fallen asleep when the teen spoke, sounding sleepy.   
  
“It’s kinda weird what you remember. When I was a little kid I can remember if I was sick, or it was a bad day, mom would stop at this little stand near our house. They made fruit ices, and she’d always get one made with jorgan fruit and a few others and bring it back for me. I haven’t had one in years, kind of a little kid thing, you know? But every time I get sick I remember.” Ezra’s voice was quiet, almost like he was talking to himself and when he finished the silence stretched for long seconds.  
  
“Popsicles.” Kanan said, breaking the quiet. “ I think they were nothing but water and sweetener dyed until they nearly glowed. They were supposed to be saved for special treats, but if you were sick you could have as many as you wanted. Or close to it anyway, I let about six of them melt down in a pitcher and chugged them. I ended up permanently staining the flooring in the refresher when they came right back up. After that someone made sure I actually ate the first one before they let me have another.”   
  
That got him a sudden soft laugh. “You still wanted them after that?”  
  
“Not right away, but by the next time I was under the weather I’d managed to make myself forget about it.”  Kanan was smiling, remembering. There were many more good memories than bad and it was slowly getting easier to remember that.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to add a note here that while I was a huge fan of Star Wars the OT growing up, but Rebels is my first trip back into the universe in over a decade. I can google some things, but since this is fic is for fun I may get details wrong. If I do something huge and unforgivable I am open to feedback, but please try to be kind.


	6. Chapter 6

Ezra turned the painted cadet helmet over in his hands, running his fingers over the paint, lost in thought. Kanan knelt on the other side of the room, back straight and hands on his knees in meditation. Ezra had tried to join him, even if Kanan didn’t fault him for not wanting to train while he was still ill, but he couldn’t seem to let go of the thoughts that hovered at the back of his mind.  
  
Instead Kanan had told him there were two ways to deal with those sort of thoughts, to let them go, and if they refused to be put aside to stop trying to avoid them. To take a short time and focus entirely on them and accept them, and then go from there, so he was doing just that.   
  
The problem was it was only confirming what he had tried not to suspect, all the thoughts were just variations on a central theme. He was worried about when Kanan was going to kick him back out to his old room and uncertain if he should just move and save him the trouble. It was getting easier and easier to talk to Kanan about things, but every conversation carried with it the fear that he was going to say something wrong, or worse that Kanan was only listening out of politeness and a sense of duty. The happier he was, the more he worried it was all going to come crashing down.  
  
That hadn’t been a problem in the past, he’d gotten very good at selfishly living in the moment. Help out a shopkeeper without any sort of payment and sure, maybe they’d do you a good turn later on, but more likely at best they’d simply vanish offworld to look for greener pastures, at worst they’d pretend it never happened. If you didn’t take advantage of an opportunity without thinking too heavily of the consequences it would be gone forever.   
  
That the Ghost crew didn’t think like that, didn’t live like that and still managed to come out on top went against everything he’d learned, but was far too tempting to pass up. It was also far more complicated than he ever considered. For the first time in ages he cared what other people thought of him, and it was a hard emotion to deal with. It was tempting to stop at that, file all his insecurities under it, and work on finding a balance between caring enough about what the others thought and not caring so much he let it control his life.   
  
He knew if he tried to tell himself that was all there was to it he’d be lying to himself. The thought of Kanan rejecting him left him feeling sick to his stomach, a near physical pain. It was like what he’d felt for Sabine, but worse. With her he’d never even gotten around to confessing it, she’d picked up on his awkward attempts to get closer and taken him out for a talk. She’d been very direct. It was flattering, she wasn’t interested in him like that, and if he pretended to be her friend in hopes she’d change her mind he was scum and she wouldn’t hesitate to toss him out the nearest airlock. It wasn’t pleasant and he was just glad she’d chosen to do it away from everyone else. He still tripped up over himself sometimes out of worry she’d think he was trying to flirt again when he really did just enjoy her company, but he was getting better. At least he thought he was.   
  
The more Ezra turned the thoughts over and over the more he came to realize he knew what he should do, he was just afraid of it. He was afraid of being laughed at, of being pitied, of just knowing the truth. Of giving up what he knew he had now in hopes that the honesty might lead to better things in the future. It was all starting to look like he’d need to confront his fears and confess to Kanan.  
  
There was no reason it had to be right away, though. Ezra started to relax at that, reaching to set the helmet aside.   
  
Kanan kept his eyes closed and his breathing unchanged. Like this he was more aware of Ezra’s presence in the room, and the bundle of emotions he was dealing with. It wasn’t anything specific and he certainly couldn’t tell the thoughts that went along with them, but he could get the general feel of things. He could tell Ezra wasn’t exactly happy, but it could have been anything and didn’t seem intense enough to cause problems. He was sure at his age he wouldn’t have been any more pleasant to eavesdrop in on, even if there would have been different history behind it. Whatever it was if it seemed to be a problem he could try to get Ezra to open up to him about it later, but most likely he’d work through it on his own. It might even be general frustration that he wasn’t getting well as quickly as he would have liked, even if the medications helped a great deal to manage the worst of the symptoms.   
  
The thoughts didn’t have any real focus, not while he was meditating, but they were there for him to consider when he took a deep breath, coming back to himself and opening his eyes.   
  
“Welcome back.” Ezra tried hard to find something interesting on the underside of the top bunk, as if he hadn’t been watching and waiting for Kanan to move.   
  
“Mmhmm. You ready for some lunch?” Kanan stood, stretching slowly.   
  
“Maybe later?” Ezra knew he should probably eat something, but food didn’t have much appeal.   
  
“I’ll bring you back something then. Zeb and Sabine went in for supplies earlier.” Kanan went to step out, hoping they’d been able to find what he wanted.   
  


* * *

  
  
Kanan carried the bowl back to the room, feeling smug. He’d been trying to figure out a way to get the fruit ice back for Ezra without it melting when it finally hit him, it was made in two parts with a sweet syrup and crushed ice. The Ghost made crushed ice , all he needed was the syrup. Sabine said it took some convincing but the vendor eventually agreed to sell a bottle to them. He knocked lightly to let Ezra know he was coming in before opening the door.   
  
“Here, brought you something.” He set the bowl down where Ezra could reach it from where he was sprawled on the bunk .   
  
“What is it?” Ezra poked at the data pad he was trying to study of the Ghost’s circuitry. The more people on the crew who could do repairs the better, but he was still having trouble focusing on anything for long periods of time.  He set the pad down with a sigh and reached for the bowl, resigned to taking at least a couple bite to humor him. Then he actually looked at the food and grinned. “You sent them out for fruit ice?”  
  
“Not just for fruit ice, but it may have been on the list. “ Kanan tried not to be too pleased with himself, sitting down and watching as Ezra started eating with more enthusiasm than he’d shown for food since he first started getting sick. “There’s a whole bottle of the syrup for it, so you can have as much as you want.”  
  
“Thank you. I mean it. It means a lot to me.” Ezra was just having a hard time keeping from embarrassing himself. He knew it was false hope, Kanan cared about him the same way he did everyone else on the crew. He should be happy with that instead of wanting what he couldn’t have.   
  
  


* * *

  
  
Ezra woke up drenched in sweat, making a unhappy sound as he sat up, scrubbing hair back off of his face. He wasn’t surprised when he felt another hand on his face touching his forehead, Kanan had taken to touching him more often. It wasn’t much, just little things here and there, but he always noticed.   
  
“Good news, your fever broke. How do you feel?”  
  
“Disgusting. But, better.” Ezra smiled, stretching slowly. He did feel a lot better, like he’d been thinking through pudding for the last few days and it was finally gone. His aches were feeling better too, at least most of them. He poked at the mark on his cheek to make sure it was still tender, it was, but not so bad as before.  
  
“I’m glad to hear it. You’ll still want to take it easy, but things can start getting back to normal.” Kanan smiled.  
  
“Yeah, normal. Does that mean you’ll start training me again?” Ezra could handle normal, he was used to normal.   
  
“You’ll need to get your strength back before anything big, but there’s no reason you can’t start learning some of the saber forms now.”   
  
“Really?”  Ezra perked up at that, so far the only thing Kanan had let him do was block, nothing involving going on the offense.  
  
“Yeah, but don’t look too excited, no blades. Blocking is instinct and trusting yourself, and in the force. You don’t have time to think because you’re reacting. In a fight, allowing yourself to just react is a good way to get yourself killed, so you have to keep thinking. And until you get used to it, trying to think your way through the moves and still keep in mind where the blade is going in a good way to lose a limb.“ Kanan didn’t want him to get too excited, only to get frustrated when it was hours of doing the same steps over and over and being told no, your foot’s pointed too far in. Now it’s too far out. Your arm’s too low. Stop sticking your elbow out like a bird.   
  
He’d had years of pre-training exercises to try and prevent the worst movement habits from forming, and it still took what seemed like forever to unlearn and relearn everything properly. It was rough realizing you weren’t even starting from scratch, because at least then there’d be nothing to undo before you got started. There wasn’t even a good way to warn Ezra about it either, he’d just have to find out through doing, the same way everyone else did.   
  
“I know, but I have to start somewhere, right?” Ezra wasn’t about to let it dampen his enthusiasm, not when he’d been thinking about it nearly from the moment he’d picked up Kanan’s lightsaber and realized what it was.    
  
“We’ll start tomorrow then. I need to head out to check up on a possible lead.” Kanan was glad it just happened that it was conveniently on the same day Ezra was feeling better, so he’d have another day to start easing back into a normal routine without training taking up all his time and recovering energy.   
  
“Got it. I’m holding you to it though.”  
  


* * *

  
  
“Kanan? Do you have a minute?” Ezra was glad he hadn’t gone too far from the ship after he returned. He wanted the fresh air and to start getting his strength back moving around, but he knew well enough he wouldn’t be up for a long trek. He didn’t blame him for wanting the privacy though, training was easing the constant press of others on his awareness but it couldn’t stop it entirely. It had driven him out to the abandoned communications tower before, before he even knew why. He wasn’t entirely happy with how much this reminded him of talking with Sabine, but there weren’t a lot of other options as thin as the walls on the Ghost could be.   
  
“Sure, what’s up?” Kanan pushed down his initial urge to tell Ezra to go back to the ship. His fever had broken, he wasn’t contagious any longer, and the fresh unrecycled air and sunshine would be good for him. If he did overdo it a little he’d learn from it without any real harm coming to him, but knowing the urge to protect him was irrational didn’t do anything to stop it from happening.   
  
“I wanted to talk with you about something, but if you don’t want to I mean it’s kind of important, but not that important. Not anything to do with saving the galaxy important anyway.” Ezra knew he was babbling, delaying things.  
  
“Hey, easy. I’m listening. What did you want to talk with me about?” Kanan hoped this was what he had sensed was bothering Ezra. Once it was out, whatever it was, he could stop worrying about it.   
  
 Ezra took a breath. “I like you.” When Kanan didn’t say anything right away he pressed on. “Not just as my teacher or friend, the way I liked Sabine, only I guess more because it’s not going away or maybe that’s just because you haven’t told me off about it. But I do, and I wanted to tell you. I didn’t want it to be a problem.”   
  
“It’s not going to be a problem.” Kanan pushed down his own tangle of emotions at the words. He remembered being young and having inappropriate crushes and how big and game changing they’d seemed at the time. When he was older he’d have a better idea who he was going to be attracted to for the long haul, not just brief moments of infatuation. “No one else has to know.” He couldn’t quite read Ezra’s expression and like this he couldn’t sense anything from him, so he pressed on. “It’s normal when you’re close to someone.”   
  
“So you’re saying…”   
  
“That we don’t have to talk about it again.” Kanan wanted to make it easy on him, that he’d stop worrying about his crush being discovered. It might be a little awkward at first but once Ezra realized he wasn’t going to tease him about it or make it a problem he’d relax. He felt how much it was upsetting him before just thinking he was attracted to him, this was the best way.   
  
“Alright, I think I got it.” Ezra managed a small smile, not wanting Kanan to think he was sulking. “I’ll uh, I’ll head back now.” He turned to start back to the ship before he could lose the façade. Even if he’d expected it, been prepared for it, he couldn’t manage to stop it from hurting.   
  
By the time Kanan returned to the ship, Ezra’s few belongings had already been moved back into the room with Zeb.    
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am putting an author note disclaimer in here. Jedi do not exist in real life. In real life, when older people in positions of authority want to have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone who’s still a teen, it is gross and abusive. The idea of fictional characters in a happy healthy relationship under such circumstances is a fantasy, as much as being a Jedi is. Please enjoy this for what it is and do not think I am advocating real life abuse, any more than I advocate stabbing people with laser swords in real life.

Kanan should have been pleased with how well things were going. Ezra had shaken off most of the lingering effects of his illness, and even the marks that remained had faded to the point they looked like smudge of dirt or oil rather than something wrong. He wasn’t quite up to full strength yet, but it was subtle enough that if Kanan wasn’t looking for it he wouldn’t have noticed. Ezra was throwing himself fully into the training, not growing frustrated or arguing even when it seemed they’d go whole days without any improvement. He should have been grateful. He wasn’t.   
  
He had been frustrated before that training banter was the only way he could easily connect with Ezra, and now that was missing. He could hardly order him to stop being so quietly obedient, but he missed it. No one else seemed to notice anything different, but he hadn’t realized how much time Ezra actually spent nearby until he just... wasn’t there.   
  
Kanan didn’t understand it. He would have thought Ezra would have relaxed by now, come to terms with the fact that sometimes you were attracted to people when you didn’t want to be and it wasn’t the end of the world. He could stop freaking out and questioning himself and things could be good between them again. Unless… Kanan straightened a little, a sudden thought occurring to him. What if Ezra wasn’t worried about himself and his own emotions, what if he was worried about _Kanan’s_ reaction? He’d gone into the discussion assuming that Ezra was upset at being attracted to him, it stung, but every local culture had its own sliding scale of who you could fall in love with and how appropriate it was. Species, gender, status, cultural similarities, they were all used to draw lines. Some groups might be fine with nearly any coupling within your own species, but horrified at the slightest hint of cross species attraction. Others may not care what species your partner was as long as they were the same social class.   
  
The Jedi order had always emphasized the person over the appearance, and tried not to encourage people to hang on to local taboos. While Kanan had never really noticed his classmates, years later out in the universe he wasn’t really shocked when those he was attracted to seemed to be almost random. He had his preferences, certainly, and he refused anything unwilling or harmful, but his unwillingness to rule entire groups out entirely had seemed fairly reasonable. Until he discovered that it wasn’t all that common at all and nearly every group he met had some taboo against a type of healthy consensual relationship out of something no more well reasoned out than ‘Ew’.  
  
It had been easy for Kanan to assume something like that was in play here, but what if he was wrong? Ezra deserved being talked to without any assumptions, because if instead he’d been worried and upset out of fear that Kanan would reject him…  
  
“I’m an idiot” Kanan groaned out loud, rubbing a hand over his face.  
  
“No argument here.” Hera agreed just a little too quickly. “What is it this time?”   
  
“It’s…” Kanan waved a hand, trying to think of some possible way to articulate the problem without potentially violating Ezra’s trust, and ended up just making a frustrated sound.   
  
“Complicated? Forget I asked.” Hera had an easy understanding with Kanan, just because they could talk about most anything didn’t give them free license to go digging into personal business. If Kanan needed someone to talk to, or even just a presence while he talked through things without interruption, he’d bring it up.   
  
“Thanks Hera.” As tempting as it would be to unload and get her help, he felt like he needed to at least attempt it on his own.  
  


* * *

 

  
Kanan hadn’t counted on how difficult it would be to get Ezra alone to talk. Trying to use training as an excuse felt wrong and deceitful, the last thing he wanted was to make it look like he was tricking him, or imply that training was dependant on his reactions. So that was right out, but he wasn’t having much luck any other way. The very sensitivity and awareness of each other’s presence that made it easy to find each other, even in a crowd, made it easy for Ezra to avoid him. Finally after about the third near miss he resolved to be patient, trying not to look like he was lurking in the hallway at the Phantom’s locking bay, while he was entirely lurking in the hallway.   
  
Ezra had managed to convince Hera that flying lessons would be a good thing, in case of an emergency. If nothing else he’d be able to keep it from crashing into the ground. He may not have gotten to do anything fun, but he kept it level, didn’t crash, didn’t screw anything up. The fact it got him away from Kanan and gave him a good distraction was just a good bonus. He wasn’t expecting to step off the Phantom into the Ghost and find Kanan standing right there.   
  
Ezra tried to push by without looking at him, not wanting to ruin the good mood the flight had put him in, but Kanan put a hand out to stop him. Hera glanced at them both and then just walked around.  
  
“Whatever it is you can work it out between the two of you.” Years working together had taught Hera not to meddle in Kanan’s personal relationships.   
  
Ezra waited until Hera was at least a little ways away before he tried to step around him again. “I don’t think there’s anything to work out.”  
  
“I…, Ezra, just let me talk. Please? After that I won’t bother you.” It was only a short few steps through the airlock into the Phantom where it was a good bit more claustrophobic, but soundproofed at least. He didn’t want an audience for this.  
  
“Fine, make it quick.” The last thing Ezra wanted was to be trapped with him. He was sad but he was dealing with it, and part of that was keeping his distance so every little moment didn’t rub him raw emotionally.   
  
“I wanted to apologize. I said I was going to hear you out and I didn’t. I jumped to conclusions, I brushed you off, and I’m sorry.”   
  
“You’re sorry.” Ezra spoke flatly, torn between anger and an awful sort of humor. “What conclusions did you jump to anyway?”  
  
“That… when you talked to me before I had been able to sense you were troubled about something. I thought you were… when you’re attracted to someone but you don’t want that kind of relationship with them it can be awkward. People assume the two go hand in hand, but they really don’t. I assumed that’s what you were trying to tell me earlier, so it didn’t potentially come up at a bad time in the future. But I’m starting to think I guessed wrong, bigtime.”   
  
“Yeah, yeah you kind of really did.” Ezra didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t expected anything like this, he’d been expecting to be dragged in and told to stop sulking around.    
  
“Can we maybe start over?” Kanan watched his face, determined not to ignore him this time.   
  
“What? No. I’m not going to just forget you acted like a jerk.”Ezra was indignant, staring back at him like he was crazy.  
  
“I don’t mean forget about it, I mean… I want to know if you’ll give me a second chance. You don’t have to decide right now, just think about it? I do care about you, Ezra. I care about you a lot. Whatever you decide I’ll support. “ Even if that meant giving Ezra as much space as was possible in close quarters, Kanan didn’t want to even think about overly influencing or forcing his decision  
  
“Yeah, I need time, and when you say care, do you mean care as in we’re all one big family on board, or care more like…” Ezra bit his lip, not quite wanting to say it.  
  
“The second one.” Kanan started to reach out and give his shoulder a squeeze, realizing that might not be the best thing to do at the last moment and making it an awkward grab for the airlock instead. “Take as much time as you need.”   
  
Ezra let him go, staring for a long time down the empty hallway.  
  


* * *

  
  
Kanan tried not to worry. These things took time, in fact it was good that it was taking Ezra a long time to think it over because it meant he wasn’t just being impulsive. It still meant it gave him plenty of time to think up every possible worst case scenario. He was even starting to wonder if Ezra ever would bring it up, or if he’d decided the best sort of revenge was to leave him worrying about it.   
  
Finally just when he’d nearly given up hope Ezra spoke up after their latest training session.   
  
“I made a decision. I think. Yeah.” He was trying to stay upright and ease into the post training stretches, gentle movements designed to keep his muscles from stiffening up and get as sore. Kanan was in a similar boat. He’d thought he was in fairly good shape, but practicing the blocks and counters over and over at half speed without the rush of adrenaline that came with a fight was exhausting.   
  
“Yeah? What decision is that?” Kanan tried to steel himself, whatever Ezra decided he couldn’t let it affect his behavior or teaching. It was why Jedi training cautioned against strong attachments, emotion clouded judgment and made it tempting to indulge in petty behaviors.   
  
“I want to give things another try.” Ezra had thought it over until he was nearly sick of the topic. There were a lot of reasons it was a bad idea, but most of those were what-if reasons. What if Kanan changed his teaching because of it and couldn’t be objective? What if something happened to one or both of them? What if it didn’t work out? What if others objected? The reasons it seemed like it could work were real right now, they both wanted each other, they were able to keep going with the important things even when they weren’t getting along, and Kanan had never tried to pressure him one way or the other.   
  
The last one was the biggest one, Ezra knew if the roles were reversed it would be tempting to try and do something to get what he wanted, but Kanan never did.   
  
“You’re sure? There’s a lot that can’t change, when we’re training we have to be Master and Padawan, nothing more or less, and there’s still missions, and no special treatment, and…”  
  
“Do you think I haven’t thought about all that? I know, but I still want to at least try.” Ezra hoped he sounded confident. “And I remember what you said about trying, so, uh.”   
  
“So we’ll do it, and whatever happens happens.” Kanan smiled like that, taking a step forward and then hesitating.  
  
Ezra closed the rest of the distance, wrapping his arms around him and hugging tight, like he was afraid he’d vanish. After only a moment Kanan returned the hug, pressing his face into Ezra’s hair and holding him close. For a long minute it felt like this was the only thing in the universe that mattered.  
  
“Are, uh, are you going to be angry with me if I point out you really need a shower right now?” Ezra didn’t want to complain, and he really didn’t want the hug to end, but reality had a way of making itself known.   
  
Kanan laughed, helplessly, slowly letting him go. “You’re not any better you know.”  
  
“Then maybe we should continue this later?” Ezra  grinning, unable to help himself.   
  
“Good idea.”   
  
Before Kanan could move too much further away Ezra stepped back close, going up on tiptoe to press his lips against Kanan’s in a kiss. For a moment he worried he was rushing things and then he felt Kanan respond, hand cupping against the back of his neck and leaning down so he could relax back down onto his heels.  
  
The warm feeling that came with it stuck with him the entirely slow walk back to the ship.  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Ezra hadn’t ever actually seen snow before, and he tried hard not to gawk . Winters on Lothal where he lived were long and dry, while the temperatures often dropped below freezing it stayed dry. Occasionally a warm front would move in and bring rain, but it was a cold unpleasant rain. He’s heard closer to the poles had snow, but the whole area tended to be unstable and unsuitable for habitation. There was no reason to go visiting just to marvel at a weather phenomenon.  
  
He stepped out onto it and floundered, expecting it to be like sand. Instead it collapsed, his feet sinking down until it felt like he reached firmer ground. Behind him Chopper made a rude sound from the safety of the Ghost’s hanger. “Yeah, well, I’d like to see you do any better!” He was answered with a series of aggravated beeps. He hadn’t yet picked up on the astromech’s language, but he didn’t need a direct translation to get the gist of things. “Yeah, well same to you.” He took a careful step, awkward but at least expecting the snow’s movement this time, turning in time to catch the pack Kanan tossed him.   
  
Kanan didn’t seem to have any problem with the snow, stepping down confidently. “Be careful to stay on the roads, the fresh snow makes it harder to see where the edge is, but step off and you’ll be sinking up to your neck in fresh powder.”   
  
“Got it.” Ezra strapped on the pack. Thiarin was popular as a tourist destination, because while the air temperature stayed comparatively mild the winters dumped an incredible amount of snow, perfect for sporting. Many planets and locations with similar amounts of snow easily dropped down to temperatures that were dangerous to humans and many humanoids even in brief exposures. Thiarin required only moderate precautions to be safe.   
  
Kanan smiled, and then leaned in. Ezra took advantage of the moment to stretch up, pressing their lips together briefly. On the mission proper they would be fully professional, of course, or as professional as they ever got. But before the shuttle arrived they could have a few moments.   
  
And it was just a few moments because before they fully pulled apart Zeb came down the ramp, walking stiffly.   
  
“Karabast, I hate these things.” He lifted one foot awkwardly like he wanted to shake it before he stepped into the snow. Lasat feet were tough enough to handle a lot of conditions, but snow was enough to require protection. They were more like gloves than shoes, which made sense considering how he walked, textured on the bottom for grip. Zeb despised having to wear them and made it very clear. “Still say we should have taken the bikes.”  
  
“Now Zeb, we’re tourists, and good tourists take the shuttle in to town.” Sabine didn’t seem bothered by the snow either, they were all playing the part of tourist. It was the easiest disguise, and meant they could probably get away with more rude stupid questions. Reports were that Imperial activity had gone from a cargo ship every two weeks to a large number of transport ships in and out every week, and the presence there had nearly tripled. It could be nothing, it could be important, and they were being paid well to figure out all they could about the situation. Sabine would be playing the role of Zeb’s ward again, Hera would be on her own, and Kanan and Ezra would stick together. Chopper, while he could be modified to handle the snow, had made his opinions on that very clear and threatened to electrocute the first inbred Bantha spawn that tried.   
  
“Can’t we be terrible tourists? I like the sound of that better.” Zeb smiled though, stepping out gingerly onto the snow. The way his feet spread made it easier to move on it, but that didn’t mean he had to enjoy it.   
  
“Alright everyone, the shuttle will be here in a few minutes. Last shuttle runs at dusk, because the winds pick up after nightfall, so either catch it or make arrangements to stay in town. Got it?” Kanan waited for nods.  
  
“Got it, dad.” Ezra smirked.   
  
“Older brother, we agreed we’d be brothers. I’m not… ok, technically I’m old enough, but just barely.”  Kanan rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish.  
  
“Ok, ok.” Ezra grinned as he trudged through the snow towards the shuttle stop. Chopper raised the door behind them. Hera had gone ahead as soon as they landed, to make it harder to connect their group together.   
  
Kanan put a hand to Ezra’s back as he stumbled a little at a clump of snow. People didn’t pay as much attention to families as they did couples, and family was allowed a certain amount of close contact without raising eyebrows.   
  
“How do people walk in this stuff all the time?” Ezra kicked the hard clump of snow, finally making it to the shuttle stop.  
  
“The streets in town will be clear, just slushy in places where they use solar panels to heat the road and keep the snow from sticking. It won’t be nearly so bad there.” Kanan smiled, and decided not to warn him when he saw Sabine stealthily reach down and start packing snow into a loose ball. The snowball caught Ezra entirely off guard and the resulting battle lasted until the shuttle finally made its way to the stop.   
  


* * *

  
  
Ezra perked up when this shop at least had a chair, sinking down gratefully while Kanan wandered around, pretending to look at knick knacks while he listened in on conversations. The bars had proved surprisingly unhelpful, full of rowdy people determined to enjoy their vacation to the fullest and waitstaff far more interested in dealing out expensive drinks and snacks than in settling in and talking. Instead they’d hit the shops where the clerks were more than happy to talk, at least for a few minutes. Once they started realizing both of them were more interested in talking than purchasing anything they got a lot less friendly and far more coldly polite and it was time to leave.     
  
Ezra hadn’t realized he’d zoned out some until a hand holding a cup appeared in his field of vision, he came back to himself with a start and reached to take it, glancing up at Kanan. The satisfied look on his face looked like he’d finally found something and Ezra hauled himself to his feet, following him out. He had stiffened up while he was in there, his clothes were more than warm enough for Lothal, but they weren’t waterproof and the slush and melting snow soaked through, and sweat from making his way through it left him damp and chilled when he stopped moving. He took a long sip of the nearly too hot liquid gratefully.  
  
“Are we going back to the ship now?” Ezra hoped so, and had a flash of momentary disappointment when Kanan shook his head.   
  
“No, but don’t worry. I thought we’d stay in town. Get a room to ourselves.” Kanan smiled, amused that he could see the exact moment everything clicked and Ezra realized what he was suggesting.   
  
“Really? That’s great.” Ezra grinned, straightening up and forgetting for a moment how cold and tired he was. Kanan chuckled, and reached to steal his drink back for a moment to take a sip.  
  
“The only downside is it is a few blocks away so we’ll need to hurry before it gets dark.” Kanan let Ezra steal the drink back without a fight.   
  
“Then lets get going.” Ezra was a lot more prepared to slog through the slush knowing there was a room waiting for them at the end of it, rather than a slow shuttle ride and more snow.   
  


* * *

  
  
They arrived at the hotel as dusk was falling, the wind already starting to pick up. It wasn’t to the point it would shove them around and need to be fought against, but it was enough to whip Ezra’s hair into his eyes and tug at his clothes and make him grateful when they stepped inside and out of it. The room, once the checked in, was nicer than he expected, and he started stripping off his muddy boots right inside the doorway rather than track water and mud inside.  
  
“You’re sure we can afford this?” Ezra didn’t want to be the voice of reason, but he didn’t want to think Kanan was spending a lot of credits that could go towards fuel and repairs on this.   
  
“Very sure. Lodging like this is cheap, the city keeps prices down to encourage people to come in and stay, spend their money on everything else. The food here would be straight up robbery, but that’s why we brought some with us.” Kanan did the same, and then kept stripping. The room had a small clothes cleaning unit in it and everything could go in there, he didn’t want to stay in muddy clothes any longer than he had to. He finally got everything off, and then smothered a yelp as Ezra snuck up behind him, suddenly hugging and nuzzling his cold face against his back. “Stop that, you’re freezing!”   
  
“No way, you’re warm.” Ezra grinned against his back, as Kanan pried his hands apart and twisted around so he could just scoop him up.  
  
Ezra squirmed playfully for a moment, like he was struggling, and then laughed when Kanan just dropped him the short distance onto the bed.    
  
“Get under the covers and warm up.” Kanan reached to ruffle his hair, Ezra grinned.  
  
“Only if you join me.” Ezra tugged the blankets back so he could slide under them, the sheets cold against his skin as he held the blankets up for him. Kanan didn’t need to be convinced, sliding under with him.   
  
Ezra turns so he could tuck back against him as Kanan settled an arm over him. It took a little work to find a position where no one’s limbs were falling asleep or poking the other, but they managed it well enough.   
  
“Did you find something out at the last shop?” Ezra finally spoke after they’d both been quiet for a time.  
  
“Yeah.” There had been a lot of speculation but no one had seemed to know any facts before then. “The clerk, her brother’s in the Imperial Army, so she said they were planning on constructing a training base outside town. The cold weather troops they have now are experienced adults training on some of the nastier planets, but they want a safer planet to toss rookies to learn the basics of snow and ice before taking them off to the harsher conditions. She says people are hoping it will mean a customer boost, but…”   
  
Ezra sighed  “But troops will just come in, tighten down on regulations, tax everything, scare the tourists, and take whatever they want without paying. The same way they did on Lothal.”  
  
“That’s probably why people have been quiet about it. As soon as word gets out that this place is turning into yet another Imperial dumping ground no one’s going to want to vacation here anymore. We can do a few things to confirm that it isn’t a cover, but it does seem like a likely explanation.”  Kanan stroked slowly over his chest, just touching.  
  
“Maybe someone else will have a better idea how to discourage them before it’s too late.”   
  
“Maybe. We can brainstorm tomorrow.” Kanan kissed the back of his head lightly. Even if they were on a mission it didn’t mean he couldn’t regret having to tell him the bad news and spoil his good mood. “Warming up?”   
  
“Kinda, my back’s warm now, the rest of me’s still cold.”   
  
Kanan chuckles “Turn around.”  
  
“But I just got comfortable” Ezra pulled away enough to squirm over facing him.   
  
Kanan took his hands, rubbing them between his own. “Why didn’t you say something about being cold?  
  
“I didn’t want to cause any trouble. It’s not that much colder than I’m used to, I just didn’t think it would all be so… wet. And it didn’t start really feeling cold until it wasn’t that long before we were heading back. I knew I could take it until I could warm up again. ” Ezra nudged in to press his forehead against Kanan’s. “Promise, if it was actually a problem I’d have spoken up. You couldn’t have shut me up about it.”  
  
“Good.” Kanan smiled at the touch, letting go of his hands once they felt like they were starting to warm and tugging him closer. “You know I worry.”   
  
“I know. I worry too.” Ezra tucked back up against him, getting comfortable. His extremities were finally starting to feel like hands and feet again, not just awkward blocks of ice. He felt Kanan press a kiss to the top of his head and smiled. Despite the cold and the mission maybe this wouldn’t be too bad, After a few minutes he felt Kanan chuckle. “What is it?”  
  
“We finally get a bed big enough for two and we still end up crammed into a few inches of it.”   
  
“Shh, good heaters don’t talk too much.”   
  


* * *

  
  
At the end of it they all piled out of the shuttle back to the Ghost, starting back on the short trek back to the landing spot.  
  
“Now can I ask about the sling?” Ezra reached to like he was going to poke at the arm Zeb had tucked up and secured against his body.  
  
“No, nothing happened.” Zeb growled and swatted at him with his uninjured arm.  
  
“I told him he was getting too close to the trees.” Sabine offered helpfully. She was moving a little stiffly from sore muscles, but generally uninjured. While Ezra and Kanan had stayed in the town proper she and Zeb had done a tour of the more athletic oriented tourist attractions, trying out most of the various sports, and talking with the instructors and employees. Some of the sports had turned out easier than others.  
  
“Zeb, how bad is it really?” Hera had spent the time meeting with various contacts and making new ones.  
  
“Fine, just a shoulder sprain. Couple’a days taking it easy and it’ll be good as new.” Zeb wiggled the fingers on the bound arm to reassure her.  
  
“How’s everyone else?” Kanan glanced around.   
  
“Sore.” Sabine admitted. “I forgot that cold weather makes it easier to overdo things. But not sore to the point I need time to recover.”   
  
“I’m fine, but I’ll be glad to leave the snow behind.” Hera signaled to Chopper and the ramp started down.  
  
“Same here.” Ezra had been trailing behind a little, letting the others break the path, but at the welcome sight of home he picked up the pace.  
  
“And you, Kanan?” Hera asked.  
  
“Fine. I don’t know, I might actually miss all the snow.” Kanan smiled, looking back at it. And then he sneezed.   
  
Kanan became very aware that everyone had paused to eye him suspiciously and he tried to sniff without making a sound.   
  
“No, it’s fine. It’s just the cold making my nose run, promise.” He held his hands up innocently.  
  
Ezra just grabbed him by the elbow, tugging him up the ramp. “Uh huh, not taking any chances.”  
  
“I swear, I’m fine, you don’t have to, I…. no one’s listening to me, are they?” Kanan complained as he was dragged up the ramp.  
  
“Not a chance, dear.” Hera stifled a laugh as she started the ramp closing, glad things were back to normal. They had the information they needed, and for the moment all was right in their little family.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go! I hope people enjoy reading it, I had a great deal of fun writing it.


End file.
